Preface: I am a hardworking person and am very motivated in my professional, social, and family life. Full stop.
Now that that’s cleared up, I have a confession to make. I struggle to follow through when doing something that is a personal project which will only influence me and my own personal happiness. I cannot be the only person in the world who puts themselves last sometimes. And the problem is, I am embarrassed to share that info, as if it’s my dirty laundry being put on display. Why is one’s own personal success, separate from work, or a relationship, or friendships, not worthy of discussing or my time and energy? I admire those, especially strong females, who truly put time into personal projects. Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge fan of “me time”. I love a good candlelit shower, a solo stroll with a latte, or a guilty pleasure binge-watching session. But I think where I personally struggle is moving beyond “me time” and pushing through to adding actual value to my personal life. Namely, through my blog.
About a year ago, I created this blog as a creative outlet, which quickly snowballed into a taboo topic that had been neglected by its creator. The pressures of knowing it could be read by some middle school acquaintance and they would judge me about what I choose to do with my free time as a grown, independent adult was daunting and deterring (because our brains convince us their opinion matters, thanks for that). What was a week without a post turned into a month, and so on, until here I am, almost a year later, with only a vague welcome post to my website namesake. I did not want to force myself to put effort into something that was causing anxiety and self doubt (more on that at a later time and date). So, I let it sit and rent space in my head as not necessarily a failure overall, but a failure of my original plan. Now that this lonely blog has simmered for a while, I feel ready to come back, share my hiatus thoughts, and potentially move forward with a new plan. No expectations, no need to share every post to my social media to get blog traffic, just a good, old-fashioned outlet for some creativity and occasional inner angst. I am a millennial after all, right? There’s gotta be some angst in there.
Thanks for reading my rant and for hearing me out on my thoughts on a blog misstep. We’ll see where it goes this time and hopefully we’ll see each other again sooner than later.
P.S. A tip to anyone also struggling with putting what they want out there, write it in 15 minutes on a Wednesday at 10:40 pm, proofread, and press post before your brain tells you otherwise. Don’t worry about optimal post time or day of the week, there will be time for that when we get over the hump.